Wrath of the Ghillie Dhu: When Campers Disrespect the Forest

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Ach, gather roond, ye daft bastards, fer another tale o' idiocy involvin' Kevin an' Lance. This time, our eejit heroes decided they’d go campin' in the ancient birch woods, nae suspectin' the Ghillie Dhu would be waitin' tae teach them a lesson. Kevin, in his infinite stupidity, thought a wee trip tae the woods would be a grand idea. “Lance, grab the tent an’ the beer! We’re gaun on an adventure!” he declared, his eyes glintin' wi' mischief. Lance, always up fer a bit o' nonsense, packed a rucksack full o' tins and snacks. “Aye, let's dae it! The great outdoors awaits!” he shouted, high-fivin' Kevin. They trudged intae the woods, laughin' an' carryin' on, payin' nae mind tae the ancient trees and the silent watchin' eyes o' the Ghillie Dhu. They stomped through undergrowth, snappin' branches, an' leavin' a trail o' litter behind them. After settin' up their tent in a clearin', the pair cracked open their beers an' started a bonfire, heedless o' the danger they were causin'. Kevin decided it'd be funny tae chop doon a young birch tree for more firewood. “This'll burn nicely!” he laughed, swingin' his axe. Lance, nae wantin' tae be outdone, grabbed a handful o' wildflowers an' crushed them intae a paste, smearin' it across his face like war paint. “Look at me! I'm a savage!” he howled, dancin' round the fire. It was then that the Ghillie Dhu decided he’d had enough. Emerging silently frae the shadows, his form blendin' wi' the forest, he stood tall an' imposing before the pair. “Ye disrespectful bastards!” his voice boomed, like the rustlin' o' a thousand leaves. Kevin and Lance froze, their eyes wide wi' fear as they stared at the ancient woodland spirit. The Ghillie Dhu’s eyes glinted wi' anger an' age, his garments o' leaves and moss seemin' tae move on their own. “Ye dare tae harm the forest an' mock its beauty?” the Ghillie Dhu roared. Wi' a wave o' his hand, the ground beneath Kevin and Lance began tae tremble. Roots shot up, ensnarin' their legs an' pullin' them tae the ground. “Och, we’re sorry!” Kevin yelled, strugglin' tae free himsel'. “Aye, we didnae mean any harm!” Lance cried, his voice tremblin' wi' fear. The Ghillie Dhu glared at them, his presence overwhelmin'. “Respect is earned, nae given. Ye’ll learn the hard way.” Wi' that, the Ghillie Dhu summoned a swarm o' insects that buzzed around Kevin and Lance, bitin' and stingin'. The pair screamed and flailed, tryin' tae swat them awa, but the insects were relentless. Next, the Ghillie Dhu caused the branches o' the trees tae whip at them, leavin' red welts across their skin. “This is fer the trees ye’ve harmed!” he bellowed. Finally, the Ghillie Dhu made the fire flare up, threatenin' tae engulf their tent an' belongings. “And this is tae teach ye tae be more careful!” When the punishment was over, Kevin and Lance lay pantin' on the ground, their faces pale an' their bodies covered in welts and bites. The Ghillie Dhu loomed over them, his expression stern. “Leave this place an' never return wi'out respect in yer hearts.” Kevin and Lance scrambled tae their feet, gatherin' their things as quickly as they could. They ran back through the woods, leavin' the ancient forest behind, the Ghillie Dhu’s warnin' echoing in their ears. Back in the village, they collapsed in a heap, shakin' wi' fear. “We’re nae cut oot fer campin',” Kevin muttered. “Aye,” Lance agreed, still scratchin' at the bites. “We need tae learn some respect fer nature.” An' so, the tale o' Kevin an' Lance’s campin' disaster wis added tae the annals o' Glenfinnan’s legends, a warnin' tae all that the Ghillie Dhu watches o'er the forest, an' he doesnae take kindly tae those who disrespect it. Slàinte, ye bawbags!