Tee Time Terrors: Kevin an’ Lance’s Chaotic Golf Disaster

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Ah gather round, ye dafties, for another tale of our beloved Egypt's wee Kevin and Lance. This time they decided they were fit for the high life and took up golf, thinking they could be the next Rory McIlroy. Aye, mind ye, this was the same pair whose last adventure left the village o' Glenfinnan with a herd o' angry goats and won too many wee explosions. But here we are, at the golf course, ready for mayhem. As they teetered up to the first tee, things were already going awry. After a few swigs o' cheap whiskey for bravery, Kevin swung his driver like he was trying to fend off a swarm of wasps, sending the ball flying. But instead of a normal golf ball, it went tearing through a portal they'd accidentally opened months before in an attempt to save some wee unicorns. And what popped out, ye ask? A giant three-headed dog that looked like it had just rolled out? Or a bad dream? Each head started barking. One barked for I'm hungry, another for where's me snack? And the last for let's chew this eejit's leg. Lance, being the brave or daft lad he is, thought throwing his golf club at the three-headed nightmare was a bright idea. The club sailed through the air and hit the portal again, causing a ruckus that opened another rift, letting loose a flock of rainbow-hued pigeons that started pecking at their heads. Get him, Doon! Get him, Doon! cried Kevin, swatting at the colourful feathery beasts, while Lance was too busy laughing at the ridiculous sight of his mate dancing around like a wee ballerina. After a right kerfuffle, they managed to scare the pesky birds away, only for what happened next to be even more ridiculous. Do ye remember that selkie we mentioned, Selkie Moira? Aye, she decided to make a wee visit, causing a commotion with a flash of glitter and a splash of water. One minute the lads were playing a decent hole, the next there was a water hazard teeming with bizarre fish that looked like they were from outer space. They swam about in a perfect circle, singing the worst rendition of Highland Laddie ye ever did hear, while Kevin, clearly not one to miss out on an opportunity, started trying to join them, only falling in headfirst. Drown ye wee fish, drown! he screeched, spluttering water and dragging a wee splodge of seaweed along with him when he finally resurfaced. After making more noise than a barrel of grannies at a bingo night, they soldiered on, trying to complete their game. However, they soon found themselves confronted by a wee troupe of pixies, who decided the lads' golf balls would make for great magic munitions. The pixies began chucking the balls at Kevin and Poirot Lance, each one ready to explode in glitter and sparkle. Ye wee buggers! Kevin shrieked, dodging balls like he was in a mad game of dodgeball. Lance, covered head to toe in glitter from an earlier explosion, screamed, aye, give me a break, I've enough sparkle for a whole dance troupe. Finally, after countless blunders, glitter and at least two narrowly avoided leg-chompings from the three-headed dog, they reached the final hole. With one last swing, Kevin clobbered the ball right into the portal again, but this time it didn't let out beasts or pixies. It released a flood of marshmallows that rained down on them, sticking in their hair and covering them like two wee dessert-topped aegis. As they made their way back, covered in marshmallow goo and thought of their day, Lance turned to Kevin and said, what, dinnae think we'll be taking up golf again in a hurry, eh? Kevin chuckled, nay, but the stories we'll tell will have the village laughing, yes, until the cows come home. And so ended this mad round of golf, a reminder that when you're Kevin and Lance, even the most innocent O'Flash activities can spiral into a magical chaotic mess. Dinnae forget to like and subscribe, ye drongos, or you might end up stuck with a three-headed dog yourself.