Blinding Blessin’s of a Bright Beast

Transcription:

Ach, gather roond, ye daft bastards, fer another tale o' idiocy involvin' Kevin an' Lance. This time, our eejit heroes stumbled intae a forest whaur they encountered somethin' truly magical. It all started on a dreich Saturday, wi' nothin' but a couple o' cans an' a daft notion. "Let’s gae fer a wander, Lance," Kevin suggested, scratchin' his arse. "I heard there's a hidden glen in yon woods." Lance, always game fer a daft adventure, agreed. "Aye, let’s dae it. Whit's the worst that could happen?" As they bumbled through the trees, laughin' an' trippin' o'er roots, they noticed a strange glow ahead. "Whit the hell is that?" Lance muttered, squintin' against the blinding light. As they stepped forward, the light grew mair intense, till it was almost blinding. "Ach, ma eyes!" Kevin shouted, shieldin' his face. But as they drew nearer, the light softened, revealin' the source—a magnificent unicorn, radiatin' an energy sae powerful an' bright, it was like the essence o' life itself. The unicorn's presence was so overwhelmingly beautiful, it healed every zit on Kevin's back, leavin' his skin as smooth as a bairn's bum. Lance's beer gut vanished in an instant, leavin' him feelin' light as a feather. They stood, mouths agape, overwhelmed wi' a powerful sense o' well-being. The ancient Unicorn Master o' The Starry Mark appeared beside the unicorn, his eyes gleamin' wi' wisdom. "Kevin, Lance," he intoned, his voice echoing through the glen, "ye have been chosen tae bring this beauty, joy, an' passion back intae the world." Before they could utter a word, the Unicorn Master touched their hearts, burnin' a piece o' his star intae them wi' unicorn magic. "Carry this wi' ye always," he instructed. "Let its light guide ye." That was the last they remembered. They awoke in the glen, their heads poundin' wi' a strange headache. Kevin rubbed his temple, lookin' at Lance. "That wisnae real, wis it?" Lance, equally bewildered, shrugged. "I dinnae ken, but I'd better dae whit the unicorn said, jist in case." An' so, the tale o' Kevin an' Lance’s encounter wi' the magical unicorn spread through the village, a reminder tae all that sometimes, even the daftest eejits can be touched by the extraordinary. An' if ye ever find yersel' doubtin' the magic o' the world, jist mind Kevin an' Lance, the unlikely bearers o' the unicorn's light. Slàinte, ye bawbags!