✨♃Clash wi’ the Thunder Serpent♃✨

Transcription:

Awright ye daft lot, gather roond an' welcome yerselves back tae yet another episode o' Kevin an' Lance’s idiocy tour! If ye’ve missed the disaster parade so far, let me bring ye up tae speed. The Wizard McGinnis McMigginis—an auld git wi' a beard like a rat’s nest an' spells tae match—sent these two eejits on a daft-arsed quest tae gather seven magical ingredients from seven lands. They’ve managed no’ tae die—yet. Oh, they've been nearly roasted by a hawk made o' fire, almost became swamp decorations in the Pit o’ Sorrow, blew past a colony o’ windy bastards, plugged their ears against the shriekin' sirens o' the isle, an' knocked about by the bloody Spirit o' the Red Knight. An’ now, what’s next? This time, they’re headin’ tae the floatin' citadel tae meet the Thunderous Sky Serpent, a beast that guards the rarest treasure in all the heavens: the Jupiter Sky Fruit. But here’s the kicker—ye cannae just stroll up an' grab it. Naw, ye’ve gotta prove yersel’ worthy wi’ wisdom, vision, an'—get this—leadership. The floatin' citadel itself was a sight—clouds so thick ye could walk on them like solid ground, castles perched on thunderheads, all surrounded by flashes o’ lightning that’d make ye want tae wet yersel'. An’ then there was the serpent itself—a glimmerin’ streak o’ scales an’ cracklin’ lightning bolts, spiralin' doon from above like an oversized snake made o’ pure thunder. “Och, we’ve seen uglier things, right?” Kevin smirked, clearly tryin' tae sound braver than he felt, as the serpent’s eyes—big as dinner plates an’ glarin’ like storms—zeroed in on them. Lance, sweatin' like a sinner in a kirk, muttered, “I’m no’ sure, Kev. That snake’s got the look o’ a taxman after whisky money.” Before they could even start tae chatter, the serpent hissed, an' the sky roared along wi’ it, the clouds tremblin' like jelly. "So ye think ye’re clever, comin’ tae claim the fruit meant only for the worthy?” it sneered. Kevin puffed up his chest, determined tae pull his usual shenanigans. “Aye, well, we’ve managed tae grab everythin' else so far. What makes ye think we cannae grab this too?” The serpent rolled its eyes—nae easy feat for a beast with a thousand-yard stare—an' replied, “Ye willnae just grab this. This is the Jupiter Sky Fruit, an' if ye want it, ye’ll have tae see past yer own foolishness.” “Och, that’s a big ask fer Kevin, here,” Lance chimed in, feignin' serious. Kevin ignored him an' eyed the serpent as it coiled an’ spun round them, it’s scales flashin' like a disco ball on fire. “Aye, alright, let’s dae it then! What’s yer test?” The serpent’s jaws opened, an' out o’ nowhere, three orbs appeared floatin' afore them, each one sparklin’ wi’ lightning. “Choose the orb that shows the truth,” it hissed, its voice reverberatin' like a thunderclap. “Only then can ye touch the fruit.” Kevin scratched his heid. “How the hell are we supposed tae know which one’s the truth? They all look like electric balls o’ nonsense!” “Dae we just… guess?” Lance asked, squintin' at the orbs as if they’d reveal their secrets tae him. Kevin got a bit bold an’ reached his hand out toward the first orb, but a crack o' thunder nearly took his arm aff. “Naw, ye fool!” boomed the serpent, “Only the truly wise can see which orb hides the fruit.” Thinkin' fer once, Lance tried tae remember what that wizard McMigginis had rambled on aboot before they left—somethin’ tae dae wi’ vision an’ all that. An’ then it hit him. “Kev,” he said slowly, “it’s no’ what’s on the surface. We need tae see past the sparks.” He closed his eyes, takin' a deep breath, an’ tried tae focus, clearin’ his mind like he was bein’ told tae by a spirit medium. When he opened his eyes, the orbs looked different somehow—like only one was really alive. “It’s that one,” Lance whispered, pointin’ tae the middle orb, which was pulsin' slightly slower, its glow softer than the rest. “It’s calmer. Look past the dazzle, Kev.” “Och, finally usin’ yer heid, are ye?” Kevin muttered, but he nodded, reachin' oot an' touchin' the middle orb. As his hand touched it, the other two fizzled oot, an’ the serpent let oot a bellow, its eyes narrowin’ with approval. “Ye’ve passed,” it hissed, coiling away tae reveal the fruit, a massive golden sphere with a silver sheen, nestled in a cradle o’ clouds. “Take it, an’ be gone.” Without thinkin' twice, the lads grabbed the fruit an' bolted, hearin' the serpent’s laughin' thunder behind them as they skittered down the clouds, nearly tripplin' o’er each other. As they reached solid ground again, still clutchin' the Jupiter Sky Fruit like a stolen pie, they burst intae laughter, wheezin' like a pair o’ bagpipes past their prime. “Think that serpent was glad tae see the back o’ us?” Lance asked, still grinnin'. “Aye, but now we’ve got this sky fruit. Wonder if it’s any good tae eat?” Kevin wondered aloud, takin’ a tentative sniff. “Ye first,” Lance muttered, backin' away. An' as they trudged on wi' their new prize, they barely noticed that for once, they’d managed tae use a scrap o’ wisdom instead o' brute force. But they’d dae well tae savour it—there were still two trials left, an’ ye can bet yer arse they’re gonna be messier than this one! Awright, ye mad bastards, if ye liked watchin' Kevin an' Lance bumble their way through the trials o' life, give us a like an' hit that subscribe button! Ye willnae want tae miss the next round o’ chaos, where they’ll be facin' none other than the Faerie Queen o' Time herself, all in search o’ the fabled Soiban' Faerie Caps – the final piece fer that daft auld wizard McGinnis’ potion. Will they finally get the power o' the Ancients? Or will they just end up hexed, lost, an’ more confused than usual? Tune in next time tae find oot!