The Worst Clowns in Glenfinnan – A Kid’s Party Disaster

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Ah gather round, ye daft wee divots, while I spin ye a yarn o' our favourite eejits, wee Kevin and Lance. This time they got themselves in a right pickle, thinking they were the next big thing in a kid's party. A wee lad named Boston was celebrating on his birthday, and Kevin and Lance, in their infinite wisdom, pitched their talents as clowns and party entertainers. Wit a brilliant idea, Kevin cawed, choking on a crumpet. Just imagine the laughter Lance will play music, dance a jig, and give these wee bastards a show they'll never forget. Lance nodded like a wee duck, thrilled at the thought of performing in front of a crowd. Never mind that the last time they tried to entertain, they nearly burnt down the pub. The day of the party arrived, and they turned up dressed like a couple of overripe fruits. Red noses, face paint, and a symbolix on a costume that looked like a gay peacock exploded. Little did they know that the real explosion was about to happen. As they strutted up, Kevin played a teensy wee accordion, of course out of tune, while Lance attempted Tay Juggle, a task much too monumental for his big daft hands. The kids, wide-eyed and full of sugar, watched with excitement, but it only took a few minutes for the first signs of doom to appear. Kevin tried to kick off the comedy routine. Why did the chicken cross the road? Tay, get away from your rubbish, he blurted. The only person laughing was a wee lad who was too busy eating his cake to care. Joni, Boston's wee sister, a right wee terror, glared at them with a scowl that could melt steel. You're shite, she screeched, firing a haggis at Kevin's heed. The haggis splattered all over his face, and horror the children erupted in laughter that belied the chaos unfolding. My dog could do better! Anham, he's a bloody Labrador! Lance, determined, flashed no to be outdone, tried his luck at a magic trick, but ended up getting his finger stuck in a cabbage instead. Abra-cabbage, ouch! he hollered, yankin' at the greens like they were tryin' fam to escape. The kids, delighted by the antics, started booing, throwing cabbage for good measure right at the pair of eejits. With every flopped punchline, Joni grew more hostile, cheering. The wee brats into a frenzy. Boo! Get outta here, yash-yash daff clowns! she yelled, throwing a plate or leftover haggis that hit Kevin smack-dab in the kisser. And that wisnae the end of this glorious carnage, Lance, in a bid to escape the madness, tripped and fell, landing flat on his arse, while cabbage rained down like a veggie storm. Ach, we've had enough! someone cried, as chaos erupted. Kids were laughing, hollering, and Joni was the loudest. Get out ye clowns! We dinna want yer shenanigans! she screamed, absolutely runnin' them out o' town like a real-life villain. With their dignity shattered and no paycheck in sight, Kevin and Lance retreated like the cowards they were, stompins away in defeat. Dinna worry, lads, Kevin said, in between fits of laughter and sobs. At least we're nae in jail like last time. And so they vanished into the sunset, a pair of burdened fools, forever known as the worst clowns in Glenfinnan. They learned a valuable lesson that day. Sometimes it's best to let the wee ones have their fun without the music of two Egypt clowns. So if you're ever thinking you're skilled at entertaining happy kids, just remember wee Kevin and Lance, the kings of calamity and chaos, and maybe give up the performance to someone next door, like your dreaded Aunty Agnes. of calamity and chaos, and maybe give up the performance to someone next door, like your dreaded Aunty Agnes. Like your dreaded Aunty Agnes.